It’s been a tense day today. I remain confused about access to resources and the reaction by some locals. I am wondering if people look at me, judge me pakeha and see only the white backpack of priviledge. And using that lens to view me, feel resentment. I hear my voice in my head (settle Catherine!) scream – but I have worked 2 jobs, and studied hard, had one 5 day holiday in my life, support extended family, deny myself so much – we don’t even own a house – because we support so many people. Surely that buys me treatment as part of an in-group? Is this what whitefellas feel when they visit my home community? And it is hard to have these conversations without sounding like a spoiled brat or sooky la-la.
Our son is not travelling well. We are concerned.